To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
