I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
