he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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