I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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