Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
