you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
