I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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