I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate all girls vehemently.
This house was built for laser tag.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
