Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
