hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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