Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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