Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
