Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
