Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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