My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
