I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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