She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
