worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
