Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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