ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
