Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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