kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
