she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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