I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize