oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
