Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
