I'm gonna have a badass scar
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
