Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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