The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
