I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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