She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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