Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
