Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
