I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
