Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Panties = found
Randomize
