The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
