is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
