wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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