video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
