we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
