I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
