Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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