Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
