Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
