dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
