shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize