oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
