I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We need to get me chipped asap
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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