i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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