He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The air was thick with penises
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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