Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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