Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
