there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
