he was CRYING into my vagina
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
