omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
