Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
