we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you never un-have a 4some
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
