Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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