She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
