So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
