So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
