He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
