I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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