i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
