my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
