then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
