I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize