my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
