Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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