i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
