Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
