I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
