Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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