He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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