So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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