Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
