I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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