never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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