turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize