Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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