Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
