my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
