his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
