like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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