it was like his penis was on wheels.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
