please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
