I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
