You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
love makes seman taste better
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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