i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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